beggining.

The start of a relationship.
I usually love these, watching my friends fail choosing guys or gals, or watching them screw wonderful realtionships up in a matter of weeks.
I've always been a good shoulder to cry on, even though it just for my own entertainment. I'm a good listener, a good adviser. But I also enjoy other people's humiliation, pain and problems.
To sum up, Gossip. Yes, with a capital G.
So this new start of a relationship is especially exciting, and I'll tell you why. It's mine. Barely a week has gone by, and me and my boyfriend, well, we've already had several fights and I've shed several tears. All of these fights, of course, my fault. I have the idiotic habbit of messing things up, and well he, he is a more demanding person than me.
I don't have much to give. I'm bossy, envious and I like being alone. Not alone as single, alone as in, I like reading and writting, watching movies and drinking tea. I'm a smoker, but then he is too.
Except, I'm the kind of smoker who get's stressed out and needs a fag.
He smokes something slighty diferent than cigarettes, something more, let's say, relaxing. This diferences us slighty, me being kind of jumpy and stressful, him being slow, or just plain lazy.
Don't think I'm not lazy. It's another one of my things that disapoint. It would never ocour to me to actually run somewhere if I'm alte, I would never get up to change the channel and it's in impossible task to clean my room.
But he already knows all of this. See, we've been living together for a couple of months now, fooling around. And then it got serious, and honestly, I couldn't be more thrilled. I love him.
The thing is, how, being as messed up a person as I am, is it going to work?
I know that I will mess it up, it's just something I instictively do when anything good happens to me.
The nerves are horrible, the butterfly's are boring holes through my stomach, and the anxiety give's me headaches.
I swear I will never, ever, enjoy another persons suffering at the start of a relationship.


Well, maybe just a little.